This weather is absolutely gorgeous don't you think? Well, it may be a little too hot at night but in the day, oh it's amazing. Having nice weather just puts me into a reallyyyyyyyyyyyy good mood and I love it. And it also makes me reminisce.
Monday night me and my brother went on a walk with Fudge just to the local recreational park. When we got there we immediately started jumping on the trampoline which wasn't a very good idea but honestly it felt so good; even Fudge was on the trampoline. And then there was the swings, I remember when me and my friends would go to this same park when we were young and the swings would always be the first thing we went on. Swinging on the swing (LOL) didn't make me out of breath or feel funny which was really good, I felt like I was finally doing something that I used too do as a kid and enjoy it.
When I was younger I was quite an active child, I went out nearly
every day with my friends to the park, I played netball, I did horse riding and nearly every weekend I would go swimming. Till about year 8 when I really started to struggle most of it stopped and I just found myself doing less and less as time went on. PE became the hardest one of them all. When it came to the day of PE or Games as my school called it I would always ask my Mum for a letter; most days it would be a yes but sometimes she would say no and I would get so anxious and cry about the fact I had to do Games. Like most parents they just assumed it's because I was lazy and unfit but then it got worse. I ended up writing my own notes to get out of Games because I knew I just wouldn't be able to do it and I didn't want to be humiliated in front of everyone because I couldn't keep up and felt funny.
I remember when me and my Dad and Jackie went to the Lake District camping (before I got sick), and I was so excited for it but when we arrived I realized what was to come. LOTS AND LOTS OF UPHILL WALKING. It was a good holiday and it was a bad holiday; for the pure fact every single bludy day we were walking up hills and in the valleys. Yeah I didn't enjoy that bit at all. Sometimes me and Jackie speak about it, and just laugh because Jackie would stay behind with me as Dad walked on further and I'd complain about being tired or out of breath and Jackie would quite simply tell me to stop complaining and get on with it.
I don't know why we find it so funny looking back, but we do and honestly laughter is the greatest medicine.
It's just days like Monday when I do something that I used to do as a child that I haven't done in a long time where it kind of hits me how much everything has changed. I guess you don't really realize what you have until it's gone. Of course there were days when I was young that I would complain about going out and now I wish that I could just go back and to do it. Even stupid little things like going up the stairs, that shouldn't be hard work, that should be easy, something that every one should be able to do without being in pain. But it's not, it's one the hardest things I and many others do daily. I can't remember the last time I walked up the stairs without being breathless and in pain. Or the last time I went out and didn't have to go home early or didn't cry about the fact I was in so much pain.
I miss a lot of things and I do have the odd day or sometimes the odd week where I just think 'shit'. But I wouldn't change it, well actually I would change one thing and that would be that there's a cure, but apart from that I don't think I would change anything. It's made me appreciate life a little bit more than your average teenager I think, and before I do anything I say to myself "If I don't do this, I'll regret it and I need to have no regrets with the time I've got". It is difficult being different but as time goes on I learn to accept it more, and yeah it does make me sad that I can't do half of what I used to do but it's made me who I am and it's a part of me, I can't get rid of it so all I can do is try my best to be happy with it and accept it; and with that comes change.
Love, Erika
